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Monday, 08 September 2014 10:25

The Future Spouse Jar

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Admit it, the title alone intrigued you. "Is he trying to grow a spouse in a jar like this?" No, this is more of a proactive suggestion for all my single friends, although admittedly this project could be good for any healthy couple to try.

Now, I'm not crafty by any means. I love being creative through writing, graphic and web design and advertising/marketing, but I'm probably going to pass on from this life without ever posting some idea to Pinterest. Sorry, Pin-aholics (update: I've given in and joined this Pinside). 

That being said, I have had plenty of experience being single and in a moment of 100% honesty I'll admit that yes, I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about my future spouse. Who will she be? What will she be like? What will be her likes, dislikes, hobbies, passions, insecurities, strengths and faith? How will she spend her time, what career path has she followed, what books does she like to read or TV shows does she like to watch? What have been her greatest achievements and her deepest secrets and fears? 

When people ask, "Why are you single? You should be married!" it takes a lot of willpower not to shout, "It's not like I don't want to be!" And that's what I've come to realize over the past decade: I do want to be. Sorry all you marriage-haters and "I'm too happy just playing to get tied down again" mid singles; I'm not swimming in your pool. 

Like many of you, I can drive myself crazy trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong when it comes to dating, what I need to change, "what's wrong with me", and all those Freudian mind games we play with ourselves to try to figure out our "Single" Facebook status. But I don't have the answers; you don't have the answers. And we all have enough lonely nights (and days if we're being truly honest) to know that we don't like it.

So, one day about a month ago I came up with a proactive idea that can give us something to do while we "patiently" (ha!) wait for that special someone to come along. It's a simple project, but one that can have some deep meaning for your future spouse and help you feel less like a victim ("Why can't I find someone?") and more in control (think, "I'm going to be an awesome spouse"). 

Neon NotecardsStep 1: 
Head to your local dollar store and grab a stack of note cards and some pens. I chose the neon colored note-cards because...why not? 
Price tag = $2

Step 2:
You might be able to find this one at the same store, or even Wal-mart or Big Lots or the craft store of your choice, but find yourself a jar or some container that you want to put the note-cards in. 
Price tag = $1-10

Step 3: 
Jar for NotesKeep the note-cards with you and a pen at all times. And when an idea comes into your head about something you want to do with your future spouse, write it down on the card and then at the end of the day put them all into the jar or container. 

This can be anything. From making dinner together to going to the lake, going skydiving to reading a book together. Whatever comes to mind, write it down. They can be an activity, a topic of discussion, a hobby you want to share, something you want to know about him/her, etc. 

Some things that I've come up with over the past month include:

  • Let's drive to Las Vegas for the weekend
  • What was your first kiss like?
  • Ask me about my current fears in life
  • When did you know that God lives?
  • Let's go volunteer at some charity event this week

Price tag = $0

The idea behind this project for me was to feel less helpless and more helpful. For one, this jar will be full of ideas for those days or nights when you ask each other, "What should we do today?" Open the jar, pull out a note-card and there's your idea. Its a way of honoring your future spouse by coming up with activities you want to do and things you want to know about them and ways you generally want to spend time with them.

So for me, especially when I'm feeling discouraged about dating or feeling like I'm never going to find someone, I'll grab the note-cards and force myself to start writing. It helps get my mind back into perspective and feeling hopeful again.

Let me know what you think in the comments section below!

Jeremy C. Holm

Author & American athlete Jeremy C. Holm has spent over half his life in the fast-paced winter sport of bobsled, including as the Head Coach for the US Adaptive Bobsled Team. He has a degree in Journalism and is pursuing a degree in Military History at the American Military University. In addition to motivational speaking and corporate appearances around the world, Jeremy is the author of three books and spends his time camping, hiking, writing and trying to make history, one day at a time.

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