Loading color scheme

Monday, 16 March 2015 15:58

13 LDS Midsingle Articles of Faith

Written by


Let's face it: the LDS midsingles world is a complicated conglomeration of faith and fun, uplifting moments and crushing disappointments. And while there are plenty of jokes to be made, spiritual experiences to share and experiences we love to cherish (and other we can't wait to forget), the truth is that we all have to stick together during this period in our lives. 

That being said, some midsingles want to live in the neighborhood of Singlesville a bit too long. The goal of every midsingle should be to move out of this community as soon as possible. And by possible, I include all the no-brainer qualifications: finding a worthy companion who respects you and the Lord and desires to cherish you both through honoring their covenants.  

But I digress. We have to laugh at ourselves sometimes as Latter-day Saints and I can't think of a more humor-filled era of this life than the LDS midsingles world. I would know, I've been in it for far too long so based on my years of experience (my dad is shaking his head), here are the 13 Midsingle Articles of Faith. And yes, read this with a large grain of salt and a healthy sense of humor. 

  1. We believe in dances, more dances and occasionally bowling, movies, and dinners.
  2. We believe that midsingles will be punished by their exes for their past transgressions.
  3. We believe that through the use of Tinder, Facebook and LDSPlanet our hopes for romance may be saved, by obedience to the gratuitous use of friend requests, pokes and flirts.
  4. We believe that the first principles and ordinances of midsingle dating are: first, scout them at a social event; second, stalk their Facebook profile; third, ask our friends about them; and fourth, laying on of hands for a possible NCMO.
  5. We believe that a man must call a woman at some point, a point neither man nor women understand nor know, if he ever wants to enjoy the laying on of hands by her authority to preach sweet nothings and administer to her cuddling requirements. 
  6. We believe in the same dating organization that has always existed in the Church, namely a mixture of slackers and serious daters, girls who want just free meals and those who want true love, and so forth.
  7. We believe in the gift of tongues (i.e. “Soul Kissing”), Linger Longers, party hopping, updating our Facebook status in Sacrament, and so forth.
  8. We believe gossip to be the word of the day as far as past events are misconstrued correctly; we also believe that we don’t gossip at all about anyone who doesn’t deserve it.
  9. We believe that we will click “Maybe” on every Facebook event we are invited to, all that we will someday be invited to, and we believe that we will continue to be non-committal to many great and important events yet to be planned until we have evaluated all our social options.
  10. We believe in the literal gathering of midsingle Israel at every dance under the sun; that the 31-45+s of Zion will build their social lives upon the dance floor; that the social scene will be the arena in which they will hold themselves back from progressing because they are too busy having fun in its social paradisiacal glory.
  11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to whichever ward our friends want to attend on Sunday and allow all midsingle men and women the same privilege, let them worship how, where or what they may.
  12. We believe in being subject to Cable Jakins and, in obeying and honoring, and sustaining his social planning efforts.
  13. We believe in being mostly honest in our dating profiles as we chase benevolent members of the opposite sex and in doing good to all men as long as there are snacks involved or dating opportunities present; indeed, we follow the admonition of Paul – We believe all things we hear, we hope all snacks will be covered, we have endured many bad dates, and we hope to be able to endure all bad dates. If there is anyone virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek desperately after these things…only to find that he or she is taking a break from dating.

In need of some more humor? Well, how about some scriptural advice on how to find a spouse (Sisters, you may have to do some mental editing to make this work for finding a husband):

  • Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. (Deut. 21:11-13)
  • Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.--Moses (Ex. 2:16-21)
  • Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.--Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
  • Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.--Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
  • Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.--Adam (Gen. 2:19-24)
  • Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife.--Jacob (Gen. 29:15-30)
  • Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone.--Cain (Gen. 4:16-17)
  • Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.--Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
  • When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.”--Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
  • Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.--Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
  • A wife?--Paul (1st Corinthians, chapter 7)
Jeremy C. Holm

Author & American athlete Jeremy C. Holm has spent over half his life in the fast-paced winter sport of bobsled, including as the Head Coach for the US Adaptive Bobsled Team. He has a degree in Journalism and is pursuing a degree in Military History at the American Military University. In addition to motivational speaking and corporate appearances around the world, Jeremy is the author of three books and spends his time camping, hiking, writing and trying to make history, one day at a time.

Leave a comment

Make sure you enter all the required information, indicated by an asterisk (*). HTML code is not allowed.

The Champion's Way - Expanded Version

04 June 2013 in Books 4232 hits

Whether in our relationships, our careers, our hobbies or just the daily aspects of living, we want to enjoy the…

And I Should Heal Them

19 September 2014 in Faith-Based 6088 hits

As I sit here looking out my office window at a beautiful Salt Lake City, Utah blue sky I can't…

The Masks We Wear (And Should Throw Away)

04 November 2013 in Motivational 10958 hits

Recently I had the opportunity to participate in a charity masquerade dance/event to raise money for a young boy suffering…

What Love Looks Like at 97

06 August 2015 in Motivational 2290 hits

The concept of love is a fluid notion, and yet it remains one of mankind's most powerful emotions. There is…

Essay 5: Breaking Down Our Walls

17 April 2016 in LDS Midsingles 5565 hits

*Note: This essay is the fifth of seven authored by Jeremy for the LDS Midsingle (31-45+) community. The opinions and…

The Greatest Gift We Can Give

14 December 2016 in LDS Midsingles 4091 hits

On December 25, 1944 a long line of ragged American paratroopers of the 11th Airborne "Angels" Division made their way…

An Open Letter to Myself (and Fellow Midsingles)

26 March 2017 in LDS Midsingles 2859 hits

It was happening again. No matter how hard I tried to avoid it, change it, deter the circumstances from occurring,…

Essay 7: LDS Midsingles - To the Rescue

04 September 2016 in LDS Midsingles 3743 hits

*Note: This essay is the seventh of seven authored by Jeremy for the LDS Midsingle (31-45+) community. The opinions and…

Jeremy C Holm author bobsled

When Angels Fall, the 511th Parachute Infantry Regiment
Utilizing firsthand experiences and interviews with members of the 511th Parachute Infantry Regiment, including his grandfather 1st Lieutenant Andrew Carrico of Company D, Jeremy tells the full story of this historic regiment. From Camp Toccoa to Tokyo, and the training grounds of Camp Mackall and New Guinea to the nightmarish combat of the Leyte and Luzon campaigns, WHEN ANGELS FALL is a masterful narrative by a former journalist and historian who here tells the full story of a group of America’s heroes, the elite paratroopers of the 511th PIR in World War II. Buy Now

Fire on Ice Jeremy C Holm
Racing down an icy track at 80 miles per hour leads you to think of many things. For Jeremy C. Holm, it made him think of God. In Fire and Ice, Holm shares his experiences as a bobsled pilot and coach, presenting a message of faith and personal courage that will inspire you to come closer to Jesus Christ and reach for that ultimate prize of eternal life. Buy Now

The Champions Way Jeremy C Holm
How do we achieve gold medal moments in life? How do we find peace and confidence and what truly makes us happy? Discover the answers in Jeremy's new ebook, "The Champion's Way", available now at Amazon.com. Buy Now